I think I should have lied

But, to begin with, I'm not a good liar.

So I'm gonna stick with the truth. 

But I confess I'm feeling kinda bad, you know? Don't worry, I'll tell you what is making me feel bad. Pretty much everything, but, today a simple sentence caught me. Really hard. 

My not-so-friend (I just met her) called me and for shitty reason had a fuck idea to ask me something. 

So she began:

- Hey, can I ask you a personal question? You don't need to answer if you don't want to. 

At this point I had already an idea what she was going to ask me. Like... Really. I knew what it was. So I started debating in my mind if I should or not tell the truth. 

And then she asked. 

- Are you virgin?

Well... Facing the fact that this fucking label do NOT bother me, I answered.

- Yes, I am. 

Of course, all of this with a smile on my face. Cuz, really... This does not bother me. Until...

- Oh, I knew it, you look like you are.

WHAT? 

SO DOES THIS MEAN THAT THIS HAVE A FACE NOW? YOU CAN KNOW WHEN SOMEONE HAD NOT FUCK WITH SOMEONE JUST CUZ OF HER LOOKS???????????? This is BULLLLLLLSHEEEET! 

So I got angry.

Inside. 

Just for me. 

But still, I got angry. 

And then I was thinking...

I'm a normal girl, the only thing that can make her see me this way is.... Me being ugly. Cuz, other than that... I think I don't have a sign on my forehead which you can read "Virgin". 

Or do I?

That's a question. Cuz... There are many ugly people that are not. So.......

Well... So thanks to her I'm WAY worst with my self-confidence that is way far from being okay.

Thank you, girl! Thank you a lot.

Mari.

---

Just something I forgot telling. 

I'm addicted to a serie. YAHS ME ADDICTED TO SOME SERIE! YAY

I THOUGHT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.

But yes, It caught me faster than I thought.

HA, got it?

Faster.

YAHS!

Brb to talk about it. 

We had a good start

Hello life!!! I'm here for my first "normal" post in 2015. Which means... You should be expecting some complaints, just to start, right?

BUT NO!

This won't happen, cuz... Really, these first days of 2015 were pretty pretty good in ways I didn'y actualy expected it to be.

Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

- I'm not taking as much meds as I was last year, and this makes me happy as hell.
- I'm not worrying as much as I did last year, and this makes the meds thingy better.
- I still have a job, which is pretty amazing. (even though I'm lazy to re-start tomorrow, but meh)

AND last but not least

- I KISSED A GUY! *claps for me, please*

You know that I'm a lame A BIG FAT LAME when talking about relationships and... All these stuffs. I'm really lame. I had just kissed 2 guys in my life. One in 2006 (my first kiss) and the other in 2012 in a crazy party that I hated I HATED and the guy just forced me to kiss him and argh! Hate it.

AND YAHS, I'M 24 Y/O THANK YOU SO MUCH

But this one... Okay, it was at a party, but we had a talk first, and then he asked me if I wanted. Just with my consent he kissed me. And he just kissed ME the whole night. And... I liked it. I was happy about it. I didn't even had time to think all the negative things I normaly think. And this was amazing!
The first thing he told me was that he liked me a lot. He liked me a lot. JUST SAY WHAT!? Do you know how many times have I heard this? NONE! Probably none. So like... Okay. I think I might have liked a lot too. Even it was at a party, it was sweet.

BUT CALM DONW. I wouldn't  come here without something "bad" to say. I'm me, after all.


I gave him my number and stuff, and I forgot to pick his. And now, I'm here waiting for a message to come to my cellphone. AND I'M ANXIOUS ABOUT IT! Like... pffff, c'mom. It was at a party and I can't be all lovey dovey about it. I'm forcing myself not to be. It was just for fun and... I need to put my expectations down. Like... DOWN! Right now!
It's hard for me, but I'll try not to expect a message or something.

AND THE WORST THING IS... And If I unconsciously typed the wrong number??????? I'M FREAKING OUT!

He has my full name, but the only thing I have about him is his first name. SO, nearly impossible to find him on facebook. And I'm not that desperated to look throughout all the facebook. (just a little, but not that, okay?)

So now, I'll have to wait for him to look up for me and... Yep, there's a big chance he won't. And I can't be angry or sad about it.

It was at a party, after all. Just for fun, people might say.

But I'm me, and I still believe in fairy tale.

Shit, I should shut up now.


Mari.

01 de Janeiro de 2015

E mais um 01 de Janeiro chegando na minha vida!

Ah, como eu amo esse dia. Ele é TÃO, MAS TÃO especial pra mim, que nem todos entendem. E claro, preciso fazer meu texto lindo de 01.01. Let's do this.

One more January first in my life; one more time to see how blessed I am to have this day as my favorite day of the year. For some, this is only the first day of the year, but for me, it's much more than that. On January first I can see that I've changed to better and that I'll keep on always improving it. On this day I see that, yes, I know how to love and I've been loving for so many years and that this love made me so good that I can't even describe it. On this day I see that some people come into our lives for a reason. They stay into our lives for a reason.

On January 01st 2015 I know that he's in my life for a reason, and I'm sure, more than ever, that he'll accompany me in many other moments of my life (same way I did with him). I know that he's human, that he makes mistakes, and that I love him even more for that. I know that he loves and does thing for love. I know that he's happy and, that's why I'm happy too. I know that I just want his happines and, for me, this is enough. I know that I have a hero to call mine and it's gonna be FOREVER this way.

Once I said "It's forever, Sungmin". And so it is. It will always be.

Today I know that we, true fans, still support him, still love him with all of his flaws, because this is what makes him be a human being. I know that he's the one I love the most, that he's the MOST brave person in this world to do what he did. And I love him for that. I know that WE DON'T NEED all of those people that abandoned us, him. WE DON'T NEED YOU! How can you be so selfish, huh? He's not yours, he'll never be. Please, learn how to love an idol, a hero.
How can someone do this to a person that brought happines into your life? How can you bash someone that always made you smile? For a mistake? C'MOM! Everobody makes mistakes, YOU make mistake. I just hope, when you make one single mistake, people don't leave you like you did to him.


Today I know that is forever.

Actually, I've always known.


Happy Birthday, Lee Sungmin. Happy 29th (30th) bday! :D

My biggest hero. The one I love the most. The one I care the most. The one that deserve to be happy, more than anyone else. The one that makes me happy just for existing. The one that bright my day with just a smile, that beautiful smile.

I love you!

Mari.