Feeling depressed??

I know that now is not the best time to feel depressed. And I thought I could never feel depressed in a situation like this. FOR GOD'S SAKE, MARI... Into 2 weeks you'll see the person you love the most... and here you are, feeling depressed.

The situation I'm in - besides the concert, I mean - is not the best. I'm jobless, I'm so sad about this. I don't have money and gosh... I'm afraid of trying. I'm so afraid of going into this new thing. And I'm sure that this is gonna be the perfect thing for me. It's exactly what I think I should do... But I'm afraid as hell.

Who knows me, knows that I had panic attacks and that I still have a thin memory about that, and I still medicate myself for that. No, I don't need to take this pill anymore, but I can't stop it. See? This is my life.
And, how the hell can I life for one year in another country? I'd have to stop this. BUT I CAN'T.
I can't, for fuck's sake. And I'm so freaking out. I've already tried to stop, really! I've tried so many times and nothing really worked.

I wanted to give up. I really wanted, but I can't. Not right now.

And now, I have one more chance. One more chance to start all over again.


And it's in 2 weeks.